Academic Depression

It's 12am and I've been writing since 10am this morning. I've been spending the last couple of weeks attempting to write for at least 4-5 hours a day including weekends. I've been working on my content chapter which is focusing on reviewing the literature on gender, masculinity, Black masculinity, Black male schooling, Black middle-class male schooling (there is none) and defining class. The last concept has been the toughest so far. I've been asking people through casual conversations how they define class (social class that is). It's amazing how across the board people are in their definitions. They talk about class in terms of style, manners and of culture. "Oh, he has class because he drives a..." or "Class is just where you rank in social status." To be honest, you'd be hard pressed to find any singular definition, at least in terms of general discourse. I decided to define class structure, and particularly the middle-class, in terms of their relation, within the labor market, to the means of production. I realize that this is very Marxist/Weberian but all things considered, this seemed to be the best option. I'm still second guessing a bit, worried about the role of race in class determination.

But anyway, to address the title of this blog, "Academic Depression", as I continue to read and digest the literature on the plight of Black men and Black male education, and as a Black male myself, I can't help but to see myself in the literature. As I read the different ethnographic accounts of Black boys' experiences in schools I am always able to reflect on my own experiences, pointing out teachers and events that could have, or possibly did, negatively impact my educational opportunities. The social statistics on Black males is dismal reporting on increased incarceration, early death, unemployment, etc. The educational statistics are just as daunting and pretty much reflect the larger state of the Black male problem. Underachievement in school, high drop-out, overrepresentation in special education programs, low college enrollment are just a few. I begin to reflect on how for every 1 of me, there were probably 5-10 other bruhs at my school that didn't have the same academic success and social opportunities that I have had. I read the statistics but what's worse is that I know the guys who comprise the numbers. They are the guys who my father, who was a parole agent, would tell me were coming through his office. They are the guys I played football and ran track with. 

I know consuming this literature is supposed to be empowering, and obviously what I am learning will inevitably be used to idealize new solutions to these problems, but it can be kind of depressing. I'm basically reading stories of men who could have easily been me if that substitute teacher had reported me for throwing the chair at her. That one event could have been the defining moment in a negative trajectory of my life. Instead of sitting in my "ivory tower" writing in academia, I could literally be sitting in a gray cell, writing letters to my family. It's depressing because essentially these stories are about me. 

The Color of God

Do you ever find it odd that Christian churches are some of the most segregated spaces in our country? With civil rights movements that have attempted to desegregate institutions such as schools, workplaces, public utilities and housing (failing miserably in desegregating housing) how is it that the Christian church has hardly changed?

You kind of have to admit our hypocrisy. We preach messages of love, of unity, of asking ourselves "What Would Jesus Do?" yet we can't seem to address our own sense of need for "separation." I wonder how much of this comfort in separatism undermines the larger social (and religious) goals of "loving our sister and brother". How can I love you and show my love and respect for you when I have no desire to sit next to you in church? I understand that many people separate their private and public lives, often advocating for social progressiveness in the former but embracing the status quo in latter. But how can we sit in a church every Sunday of our lives, "diligently" read from Bibles, preach messages glorifying God's "uncolored" love but then give ungodly attitude when somebody of a different race enters into our church?

There have been a few times that I've visited a different city and wondered into a nearby church on a Sunday only to find myself at the receiving end of a few hundred hateful stares, simply because my skin was darker. But the same goes for Black churches. I always felt guilty when a white local neighborhood family would enter into the church seeking spiritual nourishment (or maybe just nourishment) and all pews around me would begin to murmur about "there goes whitey". Sometimes people would even hesitate to go a greet the family. There was always that uncomfortable and awkward moment where the family either realized they walked into the "wrong" church. You could always count on one of the older mothers to break the awkward silence but those 2 seconds were always the window into the state of race in our society. Even the idea of God can't bring us together.

Hey, The Room is Getting Smaller. "No it's not. He's getting bigger!"

I'm finally at a point in my comprehensive exams/dissertation writing where I’m actually enjoying everything I’m reading. I mean I’m consuming articles and books at rates I didn’t even come close to reaching when I was taking classes. Of course, I’ve now focused my research topic so I'm reading material that will define who I am as a scholar. But I love it. Its like I can’t get enough. For those who care I'm reading the literature on identity, gender, masculinity, black masculinity, black boys in education, and the black middle class. Don’t get me wrong...there is a TON of literature out there but I want all of it. Its like I'm dying of intellectual thirst and I'm diving into a hydration pool of knowledge. I'm trying to fill the symbolic dead space in my head with cerebral noise. But it’s more than just information consumption that drives me, because information in itself is useless. It’s power lies in its ability to transform humans, to significantly alter how we see and move through the world. It’s power lies in our existentialist ability to transmute problems that affect our local, national, and global communities. But probably the greatest result of my love of knowledge, my philos sophia, is that it changes me. I can no longer be the same person that I was after consuming a text. Even in resisting the content of a text, I am changing, mutating into a person that is hopefully qualitatively better.

Sex and the City...A Threat to Masculinity?

Listening to NPR on Thursday, I caught a somewhat surprising discussion on the show Talk of the Nation. The particular segment of the show was focusing on how men can get out of watching the upcoming movie Sex and the City. For the next 10 - 15 minutes I sat flabbergasted at the conversation that took place that seemingly was a phallic but threatened display of heterosexual masculinity. From calling the characters in the show whores and spend-thrifts to inferring that any man that sees the movie as "weak" or needing to see a psychiatrist, this became a display of the discursive practices employed to maintain a hegemonic masculinity.

Unfortunately this wasn't the only conversation I had observed concerning this matter. Other stations, television shows, and personal discussions all revealed the same feelings from men towards the movie. What is it about this movie that seems to threaten men so much that collectively they have risen up to degrade the movie so badly? How has this movie become a threat to masculinity?

Is it the characters of the movie? Think about it, and move beyond some of the stereotypical views of the show (we all know that Samantha gets around and Carrie buys expensive shoes). The show is focused on and driven by four single-ish, extremely professional and successful women in their middle-ages. For the typical caveman this goes against the gender roles that most of us have been socialized into. Men are the breadwinners, the providers and women should find one of these breadwinners to marry them, take care of them, and provide them with children. And of course, this all has to be done before the woman is 30 right? So the women in Sex and the City defy and disrupt the gendered expectations we have for men and women. They are independent. They compete successfully in a masculine-capitalist society. They are socially aggressive and they are as sexually assertive as men.

But maybe it's something else. I mean, it's just a fictional show and the characters are simply manifestations of the author's desires, right? How about the idea that millions of women have been galvanized to see this movie? I think the idea of masses of women moving together collectively to support something makes some men nervous. If women can be organized in such a way for a movie, what else could they be organized for? What other causes can they be galvanized for? Maybe next time it won't be to support Carrie's wedding but to work to disrupt a patriarchal order? But maybe I'm making to much of this. It is just a movie right? And the characters in the movie still self-discipline to follow a gender script that eventually leads them to look for a man to sweep them off their feet (i.e. Mr. Big, Steve, Harry).

Either way, the movie has definitely brought much fear and insecurity to men across the country and it's interesting to watch men discipline themselves to remain true to some static notion of heterosexual masculinity. "I won't be watching no chick flick. I'm going to be barbecuing beef and pork all weekend" said one of the NPR callers. It's almost like I could see him beating his chest and wrestling a bear to prove his manhood. The movie itself has already become a blockbuster. When was the last time a female driven movie was deemed a blockbuster (especially since the concept of movie blockbusters are inherently masculine - think Independence Day, Transformers, Star Wars, I Am Legend...all male driven masculine movies)?

To be honest, if you really paid attention to the show you would probably recognize that these characters are not all that unfamiliar, as the complexity of their identities really just mirror the complexities of everyday life for women and men alike. But that's just my take.